The best jokes ever

[bloodflowerz]

Hello everyone!


We all like to have a good laugh from time to time, so I thought it a good idea to start a joke thread! :-)

Here's my first contribution to the "best jokes ever":

2 toothpicks make their way up a mountain and stumble all over the place, each little pebble and each little obstacle being a right royal pain to them. After some time of this laborious ascent, a hedgehog walks past them. Says one toothpick to the other in sheer frustration: "I told you that there might be a bus service!" :rofl:

In posting your best jokes ever you'll contribute to all of us having lots of fun on this forum!

Metal!
bloodflowerz

[Barshy]

I know that one :hehehe:

[bloodflowerz]

I know that one :hehehe:

How about telling us a new joke?
Here's one that comes to my mind: 2 foxhunters in a forest hunting. One accidentally shoots the other. As he's lying on the ground groaning in pain, the other phones the hospital. He explains, that he's shot the other one and asks what is to be done. Says the voice on the line: "first you must determine the death". A shot resounds. "And now?" :rofl:

Metal!
bloodflowerz

[Anji]

those are funny :hehe:

i'm really rubbish at remembering jokes but this spring to mind cos i heard it in the last few days:

Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?

the outside

i know its lame but it made me smile :oops:

[bloodflowerz]

That one made me smile also, Anji!

Here's another one:
How many braincells does a blonde have? - One.
What's a blonde with two braincells! - Pregnant! :rofl:

[Jas]

That one made me smile also, Anji!

Here's another one:
How many braincells does a blonde have? - One.
What's a blonde with two braincells! - Pregnant! :rofl:

hahahahaha looool:-D:hehe:

[bloodflowerz]

Elton John composed a song to commemorate Princess Di's untimely death. It was entitled "Candles In The Wind". Asked to write another for the death of Mother Therese, he named it "Sandals In The Bin"! :rofl:

Metal!
bloodflowerz

[Anji]

:haha: that's funny :-D


A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

[bloodflowerz]

Loving that joke, Anji! Looooooooool! :rofl:

Here's another in a similar vein:
As the teacher stood at the blackboard, someone yells out: "Mr. Poole is a complete and utter idiot!" Mr. Poole turns around red-faced with fury and starts asking the kids one by one: "Did you say that? Did you.." etc. Finally he gets to little Max :"Did you say that?" - Little Max responds: "No-o-o-o, I, I, I, I didn't even know it!" :rofl:

Metal!
bloodflowerz

[Deb]

Here's another blonde one :-D

A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.

She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that.

The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail".

:hehe:

[bloodflowerz]

Loooooooooooooooooooooool! Great one Deb! :rofl:
Here's another:
A blonde, a brunette and a darkhaired girl break & enter at a bakery. As they're stuffing their faces with sweets, the owner comes down the stairs to check because of the noise. They each jump into a flour bag. He kicks the one with the brunette 1st and she yells "meow". So he moves on unconcerned to the 2nd bag, with the darkhaird girl inside, kicks it and she yells "wuff, wuff". Still not worried he goes to the 3rd bag, with the blonde inside, kicks it and she yells "potatoes"! :rofl:

Metal!
bloodflowerz

[Jas]

loooool Deb hahahahah!!It's one of the best jokes I've ever heard for blonde....lol:-D:-D

[bloodflowerz]

loooool Deb hahahahah!!It's one of the best jokes I've ever heard for blonde....lol:-D:-D

Now your turn, Kid Vicious! Tell us your best jokes! :-)

Metal!
bloodflowerz

[Jas]

well I'm sure u know this one...
Guy was driving in a car with a blonde and he told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked and she said yes no yes no yes....

[bloodflowerz]

Yes, I heard that one before, but a little differently. How about this one:
What do you call 10 blondes sitting on chairs in a straight line sticking their heads together? - A wind canal! :rofl:

[Jas]

hahhhh!!!!:-D:-D

[bloodflowerz]

Now it's your turn, Kid Vicious! And: where's your sis?

Metal!
bloodflowerz

[Jas]

Now it's your turn, Kid Vicious! And: where's your sis?

Metal!
bloodflowerz

Well dunno...u have to ask her:-D...sorry I'm busy now I will post it later...just have installed windows XP and have a lot of work to do...

[bloodflowerz]

Ok then, Kid Vicious! Have fun with all your work! We love you! :hearts:

Metal!
bloodflowerz

[Jas]

Ok then, Kid Vicious! Have fun with all your work! We love you! :hearts:

Metal!
bloodflowerz

oww...thank u bloodflowerz!!!it means a lot!!:-)
Love u all!:-):hearts:

[bloodflowerz]

oww...thank u bloodflowerz!!!it means a lot!!:-)
Love u all!:-):hearts:

Thank you Kid Vicious, it means a lot to me also! This forum rocks! :hearts:! :1luvu:

Metal!
bloodflowerz

[Ruba Galactika]

a few of this jockes are very good *hahahaha*

But unfortunately I haven't understand all of them ....:-(:-)

[Deb]

LOL Angela, I did wonder how easy it was for those of you who's first language wasn't English, to understand / translate jokes in english :hehe:

[bloodflowerz]

a few of this jockes are very good *hahahaha*

But unfortunately I haven't understand all of them ....:-(:-)

Which ones don't you understand, Angela? Maybe I can translate them for you?

Metal!
bloodflowerz

[Jas]

LOL Angela, I did wonder how easy it was for those of you who's first language wasn't English, to understand / translate jokes in english :hehe:

Deb it's kind a hard to translate jokes from serbian in english heh...and it is a lil' hard to understand them...

[bloodflowerz]

Deb it's kind a hard to translate jokes from serbian in english heh...and it is a lil' hard to understand them...

Maybe you can still try, Kid Vicious?

Metal!
bloodflowerz

[Ruba Galactika]

Which ones don't you understand, Angela? Maybe I can translate them for you?

Metal!
bloodflowerz

Huhu bloodflowerz,

Es gibt da ein paar wenige, aber ist schon okay, ist ja nicht sooo tragisch :-D *lach*

( dachte ich schreib das jetzt mal auf Deutsch ) :-)

[bloodflowerz]

Huhu bloodflowerz,

Es gibt da ein paar wenige, aber ist schon okay, ist ja nicht sooo tragisch :-D *lach*

( dachte ich schreib das jetzt mal auf Deutsch ) :-)

NA dann ist ja ok, aber Du darfst ohne weiteres fragen, falls Du den einen oder anderen gerne verstehen würdest! :rofl:

Metal!
bloodflowerz

[Ruba Galactika]

hehe, ok

alles klar :-D

[bloodflowerz]

hehe, ok

alles klar :-D

Vielleicht hast Du auch einen Witz für uns, Angela?

Metal!
bloodflowerz

[Deb]

The Original Computer!!!!

Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account

A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

And if you had a 3 inch floppy.
�
�
�

You just hoped nobody ever found out!?!

I got this in an email and the pic that came with the 3 inch floppy wouldn't save so you'll have to use your imaginations :xmas_biggrin:

[frankie]

an american,a russian and an ostfriese meet (ostfriesland is a part in northern germany which is famous for its stupid people).
the american says "we already landed on moon"
then the russian says "well we will soon visit planet mars"
and then the ostfriese says "that's all nothing,we will soon fly to the sun"
the other two start to laugh and say "hey you idiot,the sun is too hot to visit"
and the ostfriese answers "no problem,we land at night"

[Deb]

:hehehe:

[frankie]

a man with a bag enters the bar and orders a whiskey,drinks it,hits the bag against a wall and orders another whisky

he drinks the second whisky,hits the bag again against the wall and orders the next whisky

actually he goes on like that until after the 10th whisky the bartender asks "hey guy,you must be in troubles,what's your problem?"
l
and the man answers "well you won't believe it,but i hit the jackpot in the lottery but my wife forgot to bring the ticket to the lottery-office in time"

and the bartender answers "oh my god what a catastrophy,if that would be my wife i would have torn of her head"

and the man says "what do you think do i have in my bag?"

[Anji]

:shock:

[Anji]

Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?
A: A pair of Re-bachs.

Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards?
A: You get your job and your wife back.

[Deb]

I don't get the second one lol :santa_dunno:

[Nadine]

me too!

[Anji]

hmm ok well country songs are renowned for being about things going wrong in your life, i.e not terribly happy events, therefore you play one backwards it should get better not worse, cant think of a better way to explain it now lol, made sense to me :santa_dunno:

[Deb]

LOL shows how much I know about country music then lol :santa_green:

[Anji]

lmao i love country music :hehe:

[bloodflowerz]

A 2 seater Cessna aircraft crashes into the Vienna Grand Cemetery. Headlines the next day: "Cessna aircraft crashed into cemetery. 352 dead recovered!"

[battybarb]

This may not be to everyones tatse but i just love this joke (( my sick sense of humour..lol ))

Ladies if your husband is running around
the garden and covered in blood
dont panic,stay calm,
reload,aim,and shoot the ba***rd again

[Deb]

lmao Barb :santa_haha: or grab a leg of lamb from the freezer ;-)

[battybarb]

i know...lol

[bloodflowerz]

I think you'll love this joke, battybarb: A widow receives a fax which reads: "We've found the remains of your dead husband on seaground covered in mussels, some of which contained pearls to the value of £2000000.- What shall we do?"
The widow replies: "Sell pearls, send me the money and place bait in sea again!"

[badforgood]

hmm ok well country songs are renowned for being about things going wrong in your life, i.e not terribly happy events, therefore you play one backwards it should get better not worse, cant think of a better way to explain it now lol, made sense to me :santa_dunno:

I get it Anji. :santa_haha:

[battybarb]

I think you'll love this joke, battybarb: A widow receives a fax which reads: "We've found the remains of your dead husband on seaground covered in mussels, some of which contained pearls to the value of £2000000.- What shall we do?"
The widow replies: "Sell pearls, send me the money and place bait in sea again!"


Thats great...:santa_haha:

[bloodflowerz]

How does one get a blonde to search for hours? Place her in a round room and ask her to search for a $100.- bill in the corner!

[Chelle]

This may not be to everyones tatse but i just love this joke (( my sick sense of humour..lol ))

Ladies if your husband is running around
the garden and covered in blood
dont panic,stay calm,
reload,aim,and shoot the ba***rd again


:santa_haha::santa_haha::santa_haha:
my type of joke! I don't know any jokes cos i always forget the bloody crunch line:santa_haha:

[Chelle]

I think you'll love this joke, battybarb: A widow receives a fax which reads: "We've found the remains of your dead husband on seaground covered in mussels, some of which contained pearls to the value of £2000000.- What shall we do?"
The widow replies: "Sell pearls, send me the money and place bait in sea again!"

Love this one too!:santa_haha::santa_haha:

[bloodflowerz]

Thanks Chelle! There are a lot of really funny jokes in the same vein... :rofl:

[Prokopis]

Yes Your jokes are amazing!! Mine!

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[frankie]

haha that's a funny one prox,could have happened in real life :santa_green:

[Prokopis]

yeah excactly frankie!!!! xD

[Prokopis]

another vey funny!

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

[bloodflowerz]

What does a policeman who's won in the lottery do? He buys an intersection and starts his own business!

[Prokopis]

Eheehehehhe!!!!!!!!!

[bloodflowerz]

A policeman is directing traffic. A tram comes along. He shouts out for the tram to stop (for those not aware of this - a trram always has right of way). The tram-driver shouts out the window: "I have my schedule to stick to!". The policeman replies in irritation: "Pull over!".

[Prokopis]

at the bar!

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents."

[bloodflowerz]

Lol proxroxx!

[lordi]

hope the translation is correct :x

Why women live longer than men?

Just, because God doesn't calculated the time to park a car

:santa_haha:

and again in German:

Warum leben Frauen länger als Männer?

Weil der liebe Gott die zeit des einparkens nicht mit berechnet

:santa_haha::santa_green:

[bloodflowerz]

Lol Lordi! :rofl:

A skeleton comes to the doctor. Says the doctor: "You're somewhat late!".

The 18 year old daughter has written an advertisement in the local paper for a partner. She receives lots of replies. "That's wonderful", says her mum. "Yes", replies the daughter, "one of the responses was from dad!".

[Anji]

lol guys


'i should be nice about my husband really, he does the work of two men...

unfortunately those two men are laurel and hardy

[bloodflowerz]

Lol Anji, love that one! :rofl:

[badforgood]

lol guys


'i should be nice about my husband really, he does the work of two men...

unfortunately those two men are laurel and hardy
:rofl:
Great one Anji!:hehe:

[battybarb]

lol guys


'i should be nice about my husband really, he does the work of two men...

unfortunately those two men are laurel and hardy

thats great....lol

[bloodflowerz]

MAX asks his dad: "Why did you marry mum?" Says dad to his wifw: "You see Ingrid, the kids also don't understand!"

[Prokopis]

thats funny one

A Blonde explains to another blonde friend:

- I failed the drive test. I entered the circle-way and the sign said „30“ so I drove 30 times around.

And the other one says:

-You probably counted wrong

[bloodflowerz]

Looooooooooooooooooooooooooool! So funny Proxroxx!!!!! :rofl:

[Anji]

lol prox thats funny


ok this prob isnt the funniest one ever lol but it made me smile

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they’d by bagels

[battybarb]

lol...i like that one

[bloodflowerz]

The Miller family just moved into their new home. Little Johnny shows his friend around. "We all have our own room now. Just mum and dad still have to share one!"

[Anji]

:hehe:

[Prokopis]

my turn now prepare

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

[badforgood]

:lmao:

[bloodflowerz]

:-) :rofl: :haha::hehe:

[battybarb]

i like that...lol

[battybarb]

not a joke,but just seen my daughters facebook status..."men should come with a remote control" i guess her boyfriend has upset her...lol

[badforgood]

:hehe: Totally agree!

[Prokopis]

ehehe lol!!!!!!!

[Anji]

Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?

Use a pencil ‘till I get there

[Prokopis]

ahhaahahaaahahaahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!another one

Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he’s snagged an old bottle. As he’s taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. “Turn the lake into beer,” he says. The genie goes “Poof!” and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, “So what do you think?” The other guy says, “You jerk. Now we’ve got to piss in the boat.”

[Anji]

lmao thats funny :hehe:

[battybarb]

That is good proxroxx

[Prokopis]

ok another one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think u know it!!

couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: My friend is dead! What can I do?

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead. There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: OK, now what?

[bloodflowerz]

Lol, there's a similar version of this earlier in the thread. Love the one with the beer! :-)

[Anji]

What's the opposite of Dominoes?


Domi doesnt know

[bloodflowerz]

Read this in the Twilight saga:
How do you get a blonde to drown voluntarily? - Glue a mirror in the pool!

[Anji]

lol

what's round and snarling?

a vicious circle

[bloodflowerz]

Two dogs meet each other. Says one to the other: "What's your name?" Says the other: "I'm not sure, but I think it's "Sit".

[Anastasia]

Also I have a joke too

One People to another<<Silvia,Why do you wear the wedding ring on the wrong finger?>>
<<Because I had married the wrong man!!>>

[bloodflowerz]

Lol Anastasia! I love that one! :rofl:

[Jas]

lool :hehe:

[Anji]

lmao thats a cool one :hehe:

[Anji]

a couple for the footie mad twins ;-) ....

What does a footballer and a magician have in common ?
Both do hat tricks !

Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar ?
All of them, a crossbar can't jump !

Why are football players never asked for dinner ?
Because they're always dribbling !

How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle ?
Somebody took a corner !

[bloodflowerz]

Looooooooool Anji! So cool! :cool:

[frankie]

no new jokes since about 4 months here,guess it's time for a new one (eventhough it's an oldie):

The Italian who went to Malta

One day Ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Inna morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.

Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.

So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: „Peace on you“. I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy.

[bloodflowerz]

Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool!!!! Outrageously funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :rofl:

[battybarb]

i love all theses jokes...lol

[bloodflowerz]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.



‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”



I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.



“And what do you deduce from that?”



Watson ponders for a minute.



“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.



“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”



Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

[bloodflowerz]

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”

[bloodflowerz]

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

[bloodflowerz]

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That’s it.”

[bloodflowerz]

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing.”

[frankie]

my fav one was the sherlock holmes one :-)

[Anastasia]

A little Boy plays with a train. He makes a round and then he say

Tüütü All the assholes get out from the train

Then the Father : You must not swear . You can not play 10 minutes.

After 10 minutes the boy goes back and say :

Tüütü The Asshole (Father) in the Kitchen please leave the Train !

[ASP-Maarja-Samsas Traum-F]

What is black and hangs on a lamp?

A bad electrician!!!

[bloodflowerz]

Loooooooooooooooooooool! :rofl::hehe::haha:

[Anastasia]

Here some jokes

What makes Dracula to relax?

He makes a bloodbath



Two skeletons want to the disco.
One Skeleton disinter his tombstone quickly.
Then ask the other: "What are you doing?"
"Yeah, you know, at the disco they want to see a passport!"


Here is a joke with German Words:
I´m sleeping very well in my quitsching Bettgestell. But in the middle of the
Nacht, ist es dann zusammgekracht. I hope that is you not passiert and that my english better wird!

[bloodflowerz]

So funny! Especially the last one! :rofl:

[Deb]

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold
Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally
demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works
in mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the
man is yelling about women drivers.
The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow,
just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must
be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace
for the rest of our days.'
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a
sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to
drive.'

The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another
miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of
wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and
celebrate our good fortune. She hands the bottle to the
man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks
half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to
the man. The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'


MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever Don't mess with them. :-)

[frankie]

:lolsign:

[Deb]

A guy and a girl meet at a bar.

They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.
The girl has been watching him and says:

"You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says:
"Yes .... How did you figure that out?"
"Easy.." she replies, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing leads to another and they make love.
After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with an inflated ego, says:
"Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
The girl replies:......


"I Didn't feel a thing."

[frankie]

at first when i read "a guy and a girl meet at a bar" i thought again another "women are more clever"-joke :-D

[bloodflowerz]

3 blondes meet a fairy who grants them a wish each. They are standing in front of a river and want to go across to the other side. The first one makes a wish to go to the other side, and immediately finds herself transported to the other side. The second one does likewise. The third one thinks about things and decides that she would like to become a brunette. This wish is also immediately granted, whereupon she walks 5 metres further and walks across the bridge...

[Anastasia]

LOOOOOOOOOOOL :devillaugh:

[Rebi]

LOL Funny jokes!!

[Maryagirl]

LOL Great jokes! They make me smilie :-)

[frankie]

a few days ago i saw my old friend mike on the streets after many years without having contact with him. i said hi mike,wow you really changed yourself since the last time i saw you. years ago you were fat and now such a welltrimmed body,and your clothes look neat,seems like you really changed your style for the better and that sexy little blonde next to you fits much better to you than that old bitch from years ago.

then suddenly he said "sorry-my name isn't mike,i'm tommy" and i answered "what-you also changed your name?" :rofl::rofl::rofl:

[bloodflowerz]

:rofl:

[Anji]

:haha:

[ASP-Maarja-Samsas Traum-F]

a boy plays in his parents bedroomwardrobe while his mum is together with her lover. suddenly his father comes back home and the lover jumps into the bedroomwardrobe.

the boy says "pretty dark inside here. hey i have a football for sale,100 euro for you". the lover answers "who would be so crazy to spend so much money for a football?" and the boy answers "you or i call my dad to ask him to buy it". then the lover says "ok i'll buy it but don't tell your dad i'm in here"

one week later it's the same game just that the boy sells his football shoes for 100 euro to the lover.

again one week later the boys sells his football uniform for 100 euro to the lover.

next week the dad tells his son "get your footballstuff together,we're going for a game" and the boy answers "sorry,i sold my complete football equipment for 100 euro a piece"
"what?" shouts the father "how can you rip off anybody like that? go to church immediately and do your confession.

so the boy walks to the church and sits down in the confessional and when the vicar opens the little door and hears the boy saying "pretty dark inside here..." he says "oh no,don't start with that shit here too!!!"


@frankie: Thank you!!!

[Rebi]

:rofl:

[KOSTAS]

hahahahaha! this was really really good!
well done!!!!!!

[ASP-Maarja-Samsas Traum-F]

what do a coffin and a condom have in common?
in both you'll find a hard one.
and what's the difference?
one comes the other goes.

[Prokopis]

haaha nicee!!

[frankie]

yeah i like that one too :-D

[ASP-Maarja-Samsas Traum-F]

More funny Jokes:

http://triinu-forum.de/forum/group.php?do=discuss&group=&discussionid=5

Sorry... In German!!!

[Prokopis]

i will try to put them on a translator thanks!!

[Deb]

I apologise now If I offend anyone with this :rofl:

Best engine ever made is a P*ssy.It takes any size piston,self lubricates,starts with one finger & does its own oil change every 28 days!

[Ruba Galactika]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Deb]

:devillaugh:



Little Johnny wrote:
"Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother!"

Santa wrote back:
"Send me your mother."

[Ruba Galactika]

oh no, poor little johnny :devillaugh:

hahahahahahahahaahhahahahah

[frankie]

:evil_laugh::evil_laugh::evil_laugh:

[Rebi]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Deb]

Paddy goes into the pizza shop. The lady asks 'do you want it cut into 6 or 8 pieces?' Paddy replies : 'Oh 6 pieces please ..............I don't think I could eat 8' !!!!!!!

[Rebi]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: ! Great jokes Deb!!

[Deb]

A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me ,my pretty face or my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: your sense of humor.

[Ruba Galactika]

thanks for the laugh in these dark days, Deb
:rofl:

[frankie]

:haha::haha::haha: really fantastic jokes deb, the title of the thread "the best jokes ever" really fits :rofl:

[Deb]

:devillaugh:

a blonde got arrested for opening the cop's zipper. Apparently she misunderstood the meaning of "Please blow Ma'am" .......

[Ruba Galactika]

I am DYING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


that's DEB as I know her *uuuuuuuuuuuulalalallalalalal*

hahahahhahaha :-D

[Rebi]

:rofl: :rofl:

[frankie]

:drop:

[Ruba Galactika]

dunno if that one is a good one...... had to translate it :devillaugh:


".....and which is the smallest dom(e) in the world ? the con-dom.
There can only be one in it and even the bells are hanging out(side)"

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh:
:rofl:

[frankie]

:rofl::rofl::rofl: where do you get these from? does it come from scrobbling? :hehehe:

[Deb]

LOL Angela :devillaugh:

They come from trying to stop myself going insane in this shit time lol. :devildance:

[Deb]

Men are the best cooks because with 2 nuts 1 sausage and a little bit of milk they can fill a woman tummy for 9 months !

[Ruba Galactika]

:rofl: :rofl: :-p :-p :-p :-p :-p :-p

[Anastasia]

Lol Great Jokes Angela and Deb :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

I have also new Jokes ...

Professor to student: "The intelligence is pursuing you, but you are faster!"

The man says to his wife: "You have an ass like a washing machine!"
In the evening, as he tries to climb into bed with her, she says: "Due to a washcloth I did not start the machine!"

Why do blondes jump lately more and more high-rise buildings and bridges?
Try the new pads with the wings!


What does a blonde when covering his ears with both hands?
She tries to keep a thought.


How can a blonde busy for days?
They are sent in a round room and says: In the corner lies a thousand

What's wrong, when 2 men riding in a car with 180kmh against a wall and die?
Waste of space!
As would fit in 5!


Why blonde jokes are always so short?
So that they understand even the men

[frankie]

cool jokes :biglaugh::biglaugh::biglaugh:

[Deb]

The man says to his wife: "You have an ass like a washing machine!"
In the evening, as he tries to climb into bed with her, she says: "Due to a washcloth I did not start the machine!"


I like this one best :-D

[Deb]

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one egg says to the other.. "I've got a huge crack!" the other egg replies "Stop f***ing teasing me, i'm not hard yet !"

[Ruba Galactika]

hahaha, Ani :rofl:


:devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh: deb

[frankie]

:rofl:

[Deb]

A guy is driving in a car with a blond. He asked her if his blinker is working. She sticks her head out the window and says "yes, no, yes, no, yes, no"

[Ruba Galactika]

STUPID BLONDS !!!!!! :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm:

[Rebi]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
I cant stop laughing!! Ani and Deb your Jokes are Awsome!!! :rofl: :rofl:

[Deb]

A blond drops off a shirt at the cleaners.On the way out the door,the lady at the counter says : Come Again.The blond says : no its toothpaste this time .....

[frankie]

A blond drops off a shirt at the cleaners.On the way out the door,the lady at the counter says : Come Again.The blond says : no its toothpaste this time .....

:lolol:

[KOSTAS]

A blond drops off a shirt at the cleaners.On the way out the door,the lady at the counter says : Come Again.The blond says : no its toothpaste this time .....

lololololololololololololololololololololololol:-D

[Deb]

A recent survey asked 100 men what they most enjoyed about a blow job. 10% said the sucking motion, 20% the warm wet sensation and 70% said ...the silence !!!!!

[Ruba Galactika]

just loooooooooove your jokes
:devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh:
:devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[frankie]

:-D and now shut up :rofl::rofl::rofl:

hope you understand the joke

[Ruba Galactika]

no


:devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh: :devillaugh::devillaugh:
:rofl:

[Anastasia]

... In London to open a manhole cover, an imp appears and asks a passerby:
"Good day, I am the little red devil with the two little green pail and I would like to steal something - where I can do best?"
Replies the passerby, "For God's sake, here's all Scotland Yard, the catch you disappear the same, dear!"
The goblin will disappear. A little later opens on the Champs Elysee in Paris a manhole cover, an imp appears and asks a passerby:
"Good day, I am the little red devil with the two little green pail and I would like to steal something - where I can do best?"
Replies the passer, "Oh, oh, here's all the police who caught everyone disappears, the better!"
The goblin will disappear. Next to open the manhole covers in Warsaw:
"Good day, I am the little red devil with the two little green pail and I damn li .....??? WHO HAS MY two little green pail Stolen ?


Little Red Riding Hood through the forest. Behind a bush she sees the big bad wolf and asks: "But Wolf, why do you have so big eyes?"
Then the Wolf: "Damn it, can not even poop in peace is here!"


What is the difference between a phone and a politician?
The phone can hang you if you have the wrong number.


Tell a pimple on the other:
"Where's your girlfriend?"
The others:
"Scraped"

What makes a woman when a man runs zigzag through her garden?
Continue shooting.

[Rebi]

ANi I love it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Cool Vibe$]

What is a man with a man and a man and one more man?

Men XD

[ASP-Maarja-Samsas Traum-F]

a couple drives with 80km/h on the road and she says "darling we are married for 20 years now. i want the divorce." the husband stays calm and accelerates to 90km/h. and i want the house, the money, the car and the kids. the husband stays calm and accelerates to 100km/h. his wife looks at hime and asks "i hope that is ok, you don't need anything or do you have everything?" right before they crash into a tree the husband turns over to his wife and says "don't worry, i still have the airbag"